📚 To the BEST-Friend I Thought I’d Never Lose

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To the BEST-Friend I Thought I’d Never Lose

– a goodbye I wasn’t ready to say

📜 Description (Short Blurb):

A heartfelt reflection on a decade-long friendship that quietly unraveled; filled with love, hurt, and the painful journey of realizing you were the only one holding on.

Our friendship was once a river; deep, steady, and full of life; carrying me through years of shared stories and silent understanding. But as time passed, the waters slowed and faded, leaving behind only the quiet echoes of what we once were, and the bittersweet memories that still ripple through my heart.

A Letter to the Friend I Thought I’d Never Lose

• A whispered goodbye to a friendship once bright

I don’t even know why I called you my best friend for so long. Maybe because I thought that’s what best friends did; stick around, hold space, forgive, even when it hurts. But the more I think about it, the more I realize… you never really chose me back.

We met in school, bonded over novelas and French. I thought we were building something real. But somehow, being around you always felt like a test I was failing. You scolded me for how I dressed—like I wasn’t meant for fashion. You joked about my body, my height "you're the shortest person I know" as if it were something to be ashamed of. You compared me to my sister, told me she was a sweet soul and I was... too much. Stressful. Unlikable.

And still, I stayed. I gave. I hoped. I tried.

Even when you got a job and I asked if you could help me find one, your answer wasn’t love—it was dismissal. "You have a smartphone. Scroll and find something. That’s how I got mine." I knew that wasn’t true. I knew you just didn’t want to help me. When I even asked for the name of the institution you were working for or where it was; you didn’t want to tell me either. Just like when you said you couldn’t remember the name of that shop you order from, even though you’d told me about it before. I still don’t understand what hurt more; your silence when I needed you most, or your presence that made me feel like I never mattered.

And yet…

I still catch myself reaching for my phone to tell you things that no longer belong to us. The inside jokes, the random thoughts, the little things we used to share so naturally; it’s strange how silence has replaced them. We were more than just friends; we were home to each other. And maybe that’s why it still stings, the way something so constant could quietly fade without a final chapter.

Maybe you were my best friend. But I wasn’t yours.
And maybe that’s the part I’m still grieving the version of me that believed I was enough for you.

I’m learning to let go of what we were, holding only the good memories gently in my heart;  quietly wishing you peace, even from afar… but I’m also done carrying the weight of a friendship that wasn’t mine to bear. Now, I choose myself: fully, fiercely, and without apology.